KILLDEER, NORTH DAKOTA-After a comprehensive scientific study, researchers at East Dakota University have arrived at a definitive answer to the eternal question posed by the Maybelline cosmetic company, "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline": She's born with it.

While this does not discredit the quality nor the value of Maybelline cosmetic products, it does end the mystery created by the alliterative jingle included in countless commercials featuring such ridiculously attractive models as Sarah Michelle Geller, Tyra Banks and Christie Turlington.

"Our tests show that Maybelline products, though they may smooth a woman's complexion or accentuate her best features, rarely give her high, delicate cheekbones, perky yet supple breasts, or cause her to look 20-60 pounds lighter," said Henry Foster, head of Cosmetology at East Dakota University. "They also fail to give most women multi-million dollar modeling contracts or thousands of drooling male fans-with the exception of Maybelline Cool Effect Cream Eye-Shadow. That's some good stuff."

Maybelline representatives have responded to the study with skepticism. "The key word here is maybe," Craig Wilson, a company spokesman said on Monday. "So maybe Sarah or Tyra or Christie was born with the genetic code that defines their carefully sculpted features and statuesque bodies." After a long dramatic pause, he said suggestively, "But then again, maybe NOT!" Wilson then cocked his eyebrow in mock-mystery, and began winking his right eye continuously for nearly fifteen minutes.